l'amore e il basket.

it's a beautiful thing to see someone you love doing what they love. my school had a basketball game last night and we won (of course). 14-0; still undefeated. I don't understand basketball all that much, but I came to support my #1. :) I was so proud of him, shooting all these 3's and picking the team back up when we were down by a couple points. I loved it. in a way, it made me a fan of basketball. whether it was just for a night or a lifetime. I knew he was good and all, but every stride, every shot and every step just seemed so effortless. I'm smiling now just thinking about it. I never knew watching someone do what they love would cause you to love them even more. it's weird, but I'm not complaining at all. I love it. I love him. And I love seeing him happy. The moment when the buzzer sounded on the last quarter and he smiled and jumped in the air made my heart feel all fuzzy. lol it was just an all around beautiful situation.

I got a small opportunity to chill and talk to my brother-in-law though. he confided in me about his current situation with his girl and I tried to help him and while I still stand by the advice that I gave him, I probably should have been a little bit more...blunt? what I told him would be something that I would do, maybe it wasn't the best advice for his particular situation. but all-in-all, I still think it was good advice. I love him though and it would suck not to see him happy, especially over a situation that he seems to care about so much. I just want the best for him though. he deserves to be happy. everybody does though too, right? the situation working out or him finally realizing that he doesn't have to deal with the situation anymore because he deserves better would be ideal. in a way, maybe I should have advised him to fall back. but I didn't feel it was my place to do so. we're friends and all but...it's just not my place or even something I would do.

but I'm sure it'll all work out. I really hope it does anyway.

stupido con amore.

I find myself feeling more stupid with love than actually in love. I question how I got into some situations that I've gotten tangled in emotionally. I wonder where my head is at when I get involved in certain situations. to date, I've only been in one relationship that I would consider serious. it's one of few emotional engagements that I don't regret. maybe regret isn't the correct word, but it's close enough. maybe it's me. maybe I am too "complex and complicated" as some like to put it. personally, I don't think so. I ask for very little. I just need someone who is willing to work with me and not constantly working to change what I enjoy doing or blame me for any and everything that doesn't go as planned. I mean, being involved with someone isn't about trying to alter what you consider flaws to make them more appealing. or always playing the victim without even thinking about proposing a compromise that would benefit you both. at least that's not what it is in my mind. It's all rather confusing. and with age it only seems to get more confusing because more things start to come into the picture. right now, I'm just observing. staying close so that if I want to get back in the mix, I can. but far away enough so that I'm not sucked into it unwillingly.

rilascio terapia.

I think I'm finally and fully in a good place with this situation. this didn't just happen over night; it has taken some time for me to honestly say that I'm okay. foolishly, I thought I was okay simply by ignoring the entire situation, but something in me clicked and told me that I had to face the hurt and denial head on. I didn't vent to anyone, but I opened up all my thoughts within myself and freely said them aloud. By doing so I realized that I had a lot of pent up...everything! that I was unable to release because of how the situation ended. I've come to understand that you can't get upset because of the decisions someone else is making. you can't focus on that. people will do what they want and there's nothing you can do about it. I am proudly at a point where if I see him, in any situation, I don't feel any fire in stomach...or "hatred". I'm at a point where I feel like I can really be happy for him whenever he decides to get involved with someone else. I feel like I can have a conversation with him without feeling like I'm falling back in like/love. I feel really good. though it's taken me almost a year to get to this place, I got here...and for that alone I am proud.